people are perpetually dissatisfied animal according to marx and it inherits hatred so i guess its a natural phenomena in everyone’s life that: some people wold just love hating us.haha,and what makes sense is that when we feel more loved than hated from above all the people around us we exhibit that love, and this feeling will over-arch the definition of our life often than not.
a little lighter thing for NEW YEAR apart from my upward covenant:)
1.good hair cut
2.start cardio exercise(AHEM! PROPER WAY OF EXERCISE,got an old book for this,nangangarap pang maging sexy)
3.finish novels and finance books
4.learn cooking (gosh! this has been five years on the new year’s list)
5.start a new journal
6.put on a new own painting
7.online job on my routines (to get back to speed writing)
8.teach ameera and kids painting
9. pay all debts! haha!
10.introduce a new boyfriend! LOL:D
dear pain,
who created you? where do you reside? when will you leave?
I know you can tear me down, but only for a moment.
You may deceive me but I can control you..
I will embrace you but know that I can let you go..
I wont escape from you but I will deal with you.
This is what my father taught me ,he was strong ..
So this I tell you…Dear Pain,
Please, pack your bags cos..
You will leave earlier than you thought:)
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
and we hold that peace pang cos now You are in God’s perfect hand.no pain, no suffering…only everlasting love.heaven is here in my heart for you are there now.
I love you pang.
is back now to my corner from Zamboanga. The experience of the Interfaith Boot Camp had helped me a lot in shaping and defining myself in our society which at the moment is faced in the struggle of peace. It was a challenge when I got back at the office and the recent headlines unveiled stories of despair in Marawi, Zamboanga Sibugay and North Cotabato.
Find me…Find Me By: Michelle ‘CHENG’ Gonzales
Leron leron Sinta
Buko ng Papaya
Dalay-dalay buslo
Sisidlan ng bunga
Perhaps the best place to find reality in the world where true stories and innocence reside is at the corner of the children’s eyes…
It took me a heart to trace the sad facets of Mindanao and a soul to understand why bringing hope and joy could uplift peace yet never did this occurred to me not until the humming advocacy of Kapayapaan Kapatid Council with the convening of Fr. Angel Buenavides moved my silence to become a youth volunteer.
It happened once upon a time in October . I was jazzing to nothingness like babbling what my semester break would be all about when suddenly Kuya Earl Baguio, SSC president rang me on the phone and was inviting me to come over at a coffee house down town for a peace advocacy thing. I never had a clue what shall we be talking about yet I just come not knowing that the very moment I opened my heart to something uncertain started the journey I would love to embrace forever.
Kuya Earl told me about the child-friendly activity and how it will be going about. It sounds really great that I made myself so sure about it but it stunned me to know that it would be held in Malapatan, Maasim and Kiamba. My foot seemed to step back for I barely have one night to prepare for the one week course encampment. Moreover, I don’t have enough money for the expenses so I declined. But the more dazing fact rolled my eardrum as I was told that no centavo shall be spent by the volunteer because there are funds for the expenses.
Presto! There was no reason not to go quite except that I still need to explain to my parents for this abrupt affair I shall be engaging. Good thing that everything seemed to conspire for me to be able to join the CFA at the three municipalities of Sarangani Province. I never heard any fuss from Ma and Pa except those little worries and reminders like parents would usually do.
To me, it was just at first a dose of excitement as to the bonding with the whole team and adventuring all through out the trip. I was enjoying only the surface of what I thought is the whole thing of going there. At some point, it really was. The husky winds brushed our faces as we scream to joy driving at a speed of one hundred twenty kilometer per hour by a six wheeler truck. We traced the bumpy roads of General Santos City to the straights of Alabel then enjoyed the bends and curbs tracing the roads of Maasim and Kiamba on the following days.
Winds, Screams, Trips -I thought it was just all about those. I thought it was just going there and teaching the children, making funny-face, playing and chasing. I thought it was just about a responsibility I need to finish. So I thought it was just as easy as reciting ABCD with them.
But I wasn’t like that. It was a thousand fold different as I thought. It wasn’t about showing them how good you are; it’s about inviting them to express their selves. It wasn’t about sharing your story; it was about listening to their dreams. Yes it was not about me that moment it was about them…
My heart began to comprehend these things as I feel so different. I could not understand how it feels the very first time I stood at the front of those children. I haven’t read the module yet I just remembered what Sir Danny Sabino, the KKC adviser, instructed us before we left: just make the children happy.
Thus, I didn’t wasted any single minute when I was joshing with them, together with Kuya Earl and other volunteers who were assigned in every classroom, we gave all the best that they can do to draw smiles on the faces of the children and mark happiness at Tuyan elementary school.
We left the place with the children waving goodbye to us and the echoes of those beaming voices kept resounding on my heart.
Were down to the first pit stop of the whole course and my body now is contemplating to muscle pain and my throat is slightly itching. It’s really hard, yet the shower of bliss is so much rewarding.
The two more sets of different children, different stories and different dreams made my heart to grasp for more. I was in search now not of enjoying alone, not of bonding anymore but far and more sound than that, I was now in pursuit of helping those children that are waiting for me in Kiamba and Maasim, find the peace they long to hope and taste the joy they have long forgotten.
So along with the midst of finding my self with these children who were victims of arm conflict; of stained desires; of selfish means, I also find my slumbering consciousness being waken up by these realities which were slapped on me. My eyes now were slowly tracing the larger and wider horizon where the sad facets invite my heart to soulfully touch them. I find myself in a halt sometimes, still cannot believe that on the other side of the world I live in, there exist broken hearts that have been thirsting for love, there exist shattered dreams who have been gasping for hope.
I don’t know what did I armed the day I stood like a teacher and wondered like a kid yet one thing I’m sure is that God was gazing and smiling at me as I sat and listen with His children who have been hungering for attention .
Indeed that the heavy desire of touching their lives pricks my heart like a razor-sharp needle but there were those seconds I am left ashamed about myself struggling to fight against the stinky odor of the children. They have not been taking a bath for a week and others just don’t change clothes anymore but I have to smile anyway. I also was resisting against their filthy arms and hands when we we’re playing. The dirt traced the lines of their palm and their nails tipped black dirt, but I have to hold them anyway. And when we sit shoulder by shoulder to listen and share each other’s stories, Fears and dreams, I struggle against the horrible breath that fills the air but I have to josh and listen anyway. Really, it was tough but never did a streak of such anxiety and annoyance stroke my face when clutched at those instances for their glaring happiness fades the undesirable fits inside me. Perhaps, I unconsciously wanted to sigh but I chose to smile for them and every second I lift a happy face towards them became a breath of prayer.
The day’s activity with the children ended with blowing of bubbles of their dreams in the field. Truly, it was like paradise. I saw the children’s indescribable joy and as I gaze at their eyes I found hope I never saw the first time I entered their classroom, to my gladness, we made a tight group embrace as we made a pact to get good in their studies and the resounding ‘opo, ate Cheng’ keeps ringing on my memory.
The sun is about to set in its serenity and just as its glorious late afternoon sunbeam promises morning, we left the school with a hope that one day they will attain peace again and the memories of arm struggle shall fade through the joy we marked that day. The pupils kept this promise inside their hearts and they locked their eyes on me as they sharply screamed bye-bye, following our truck where I am at as it slowly drove down the gate. I kept an eye with them until my vision could not catch them anymore; until their voices slowly faded by the distance. I felt that moment how thankful they are. But what they don’t know is that they thought me more, they touched me more, and they transformed me more.
I walked back on my childhood days as they shared their funny stories. I woke up to the sharp splinters of what’s happening in the world as they unveiled their traumatic fears. I grasp an inner hope as they shared their sincere dreams. Some wanted to be a teacher, some wanted to be a nurse, some wanted to have just clothes, some wanted to be a soldier, some just wanted to have enough food to eat everyday, and some just wanted to have peace.
I am back now to my world and as I glean towards the horizon I am trudging along, I carry with me the stories of children in Malapatan, Maasim and Kiamba, which were never heard for so long. I sleep now with a breath of prayer for them, tracing their faces, remembering their names. I wake up now with a hope that they may continue to go to school. Yes, they may be so far now but their voices are drenched inside my heart- uproaring and echoing.
And certainly, no matter shall God puts me ,those faces of innocence will be in my heart for they are part of me now, of my dream; of my hope; of my story as one day I will find them again.
Pagdating sa dulo
Nabali ang sanga
Kapos kapalaran
Humanap ng ibaJ.
Note; This is dedicated to the pupils of Tuyan, Pananag and Tambilil Elementary school.
You can take from every experience what it has to offer you. And you cannot be defeated if you just keep taking one breath followed by another.
–My Bucket List
1. Throw someone a snow ball.
2. Sing my heart out on a tribute or wedding diner for a friend ( which would probably be horibble because of my voice.)
3. Swim with dolphins.
4. Drive a car.
5. Ride a camel. Okay, a horse will do
6. Wear a Jollibee mascot.
7. Touch a deer’s horn.
8. Wear again my high school uniform at a party.
9. Experience a hot air balloon.
10. Bake 1,000 macaroons without even one coaled (I always o overcook).
11. Sew my own dress and wear it on a party.
12. Direct a film.
13. Learn another language.
14. Follow a biking trail.
15. Pick fresh grapes from vineyard
16. Milk an animalJ
17. Go on a cruise with a special someone.
18. Visit coffee farm and smell that fresh brew.
19. Experience tubing.
20. Learn how to give CPR.
21. Play even one song on a piano.
22. Shower myself autumn leaves.
23. Experience four seasons.
24. Run around an empty football court.
25. Trip on a wild wild zoo.
26. Participate in a documentary film production.
27. Shot a gun on a firing range.
28. Tour on a chocolate factory and get a chocolate free.
29. Pause for an artist Haha( nude painting? )
30. Teach a sociology subject.
31. Enrol in a world renowned university abroad.
32. Watch a 45 minute fireworks without trying to steal a camera shot.
33. Ride a helicopter and throw candies from above.
34. Experience mountain climbing, really by foot.
35. Feed a crocodile.
36. Stare an owl.
37. Walk three hours backwards.
38. Catch a firefly.
39. Drink from a fresh spring water.
40. Observe how famous movies are edited and produced.
41. Take a reflexology class.
42. Visit a museum.
43. Cook for a delectable dinner for the whole family at my own expense and recipe.
44. Experience zip line and scream with somebody so special.
45. Cross in a wooden old bridge.
46. Publish a book.
47. Write for a good magazine.
48. Live and adapt for a week a T’boli lifestyle in a T’boli community.
49. Learn a new magic trick.
50. Kiss somebody I love underwater!
51. Run a big event.
52. Paste on a photo album all my childhood and present pictures
53. Teach a language.
54. Tour an alien.
55. Speak for an inspirational seminar or training.
56. Exhibit my photos on various subjects and theme.
57. Host a self-help radio show.
58. Do yoga.
59. Get really reallyreally happily drunk.
60. Lie for 3 minutes on a highway.
61. Learn wine mixing.
62. Win serious billiard play.
63. Boat inside a cave.
64. Follow a map.
65. Island hop.
66. Get a thai massage.
67. Cut someone’s hair for good.
68. Design interior aesthetic of a house.
69. Preserve my ice coffee and sell my own Frappuccino tastes.
70. Celebrate with somebody at a classic, jazz or country acoustic bar.
71. Join a Remote Control car racing
72. Be an art director for a project.
73. Fly a kite.
74. Join a Christian concert.
75. Cheer a friend on a race, a basketball match or word cup live!
76. Back pack to Sydney
77. Host a children’s party.
78. Back pack to France.
79. Paint a charcoal portrait of my parents.
80. Catch fishes and cook it.
81. Get a henna tattoo cus I was always the one who puts to other.
82. Bring home boxes of books from a book sale.
83. Cook for someone for a diner date.
84. Go camping.
85. Cross a river.
86. Go tubing.
87. Complete gym sessions for 3 months.
88. Get a blind date.
89. Meet a favourite author.
90. Visit Philippine’s historical places.
91. Peep through a huge telescope.
92. Learn constellations and star gaze.
93. Harvest bananas and mangosteens ( my favourite fruits)
94. Browse a very old book.
95. Dance with upland people in their ceremonial cultures.
96. Shape a pot with my hands and play with clay.
97. Hug a live panda bear! (Are they huggable?)
98. Take pictures from my list of target subjects and scenery.
99. Bathe in scarlet sunset at a beach.
100. Get Lost.
As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.
– Oprah Winfrey, O MagazineLove is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.
— Paulo Coelho
T O D A Y and H A P P I N E S S. (no hey day)
May 2011
today i went downtown, i was having my move about that job. i do not know what will be of me,of what will be there for me.I am very uncomfortable about something uncertain at the moment. but then again something inside me speaks louder than doubt - the trust that there’s that perfect workplace for me.
Perhaps i just need to go a long time of adventure towards finding it, maybe next year, maybe next month, maybe tomorrow.
its a good life today then, AND TODAY DESERVES A GOOD WALK ALONG THE AVENUE BECAUSE WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS YOU ARE INTO SOMETHING YOU BELIEVE THAT WOULD LEAD YOU TO AN END.IF CIRCUMSTANCE REQUIRES US TO APPLY TO 70 JOB POSITIONS OR MORE FOR ONE WORK, LET IT BE.IF WE NEED TO GO THROUGH 50 TECHNICAL EXAM TO PROCEED INTERVIEW EXAM AND WE PASSED ONLY THREE OF THEM, LET IT BE.IF WE NEED TO START A LITTLE POSITION, A SMALL BEGINNING, LET IT BE.
nobody can ever measure the extent of learning and insight that we can get towards finding the right job for us, see the search as a grace for we still see and reflect on the world outside.See it as a grace for in nothingness we grasp for inner and deeper strength to God.See it as a grace for we could still pick up lessons on the ground, real value of peso, time, people.
Today will be one of the most unforgettable days of our life over those 10,30 or 50 years of uniform cycle in work.Today is just what today should be, embrace it,for its a part of our one big sweet, funny, life-changing story.
lets have faith batch mates.
Jeremiah 29
S W E E T S U C C E S S.
( bagging honors as cum laude and distinction award for visual artist of the year)
April 3, 2011 at 9:53pm
I got a confirmation one afternoon from the registrar about a very sweet news- that iam an honor student. WHO GOT THE FIRST NEWS AFTER THAT? -I then told the trycle driver when i got home, and every passenger cheered in congratulations,.then again told the driver after the next ride and he was happy,finally i told mamang and papang and each of them told the stories to my neighbors and to hundred other friends.
When you share the joy, others feel so blessed too. Others join with you in your success, and i guess it would not be this happy and fulfilling without your family and friends to share it with.
the joy of success i am feeling right now belongs to my God. to Him i give all back the glory.
It was not easy being in MSU but because a great God sent me to the right place, the right people,the right challenges, the right downfalls ,all carefully connected by God’s design of shaping me , I BECOME THE CHENG I AM NOW.
S P L I N T E R S of W A R
November 2011,I was given chance to be part of the life shaping experience ARTS BAKWITS-UNGPIDP . This was a mindanao peace tour reaching the internally displaced persons or bakwits on ten areas in Mindanao together with the KABPAPAGARIYA ENSEMBLE and KALIMUDAN ARTS CENTER with the support of act for peace.
We conducted a psychosocial intervention among the internally displaced persons (IDPs) or locally known as Bakwit through alternative media of expressing their fears and traumas from the war. Crucial cases of injustices, trampled dignity and stolen innocence were found in this pursuit.
The peace tiles reflected a longing for basic survival needs like foods and shelter since the war have taken away their houses and source of living, others long for a complete happy family as theirs are destroyed. While others simply want to have a cup of rice and a salt for their meal, be free from the threatening sounds of guns and bombs. Their cries are loudly heart piercing, yet their voices beckoning hopelessness are not given sufficient attention.
when shall they be reached by the authorities concerned?
About me
♥ a 20 year old average chic, living at General Santos City.♥a graduate of Mindanao State University, bachelor of arts major in SOCIOLOGY- and seriously in love with it. Currently planning to eern Masteral Degree in Social Research,if not Master in Public Admin. Major in Human Resource Management.
♥a visual artist, mostly painting okil(Maguindano term for ukit which means carve)l in abstraction using acrylic on canvas.Also fascinated with body and face painting using a tribal artistry theme.
♥ a junior lover of photography, mostly focusing on stolen highland lifestyles as subject;points, textures and ascending patterns for theme.
♥a writer who basically started with teeny weeny emotional outputs from childhood and teenage experiences to socially relevant issues.
♥an advocate of peace and social justice, getting into the initiatives and making necessary acts happen.
♥a volunteer, participating in medical missions, child friendly activity, goodwill campaign with various local and global responsible organization.
♥a dreamer, one who dream big dreams.
♥a sport lame, really have poor body coordination, yet loves proper exercising to get fit and gorgeous:)
♥a food critic, blessed with a Kapampangan tongue and a mother who exceptionally loves kitchen and cooking, I always had something to say about the food whether its delectable, lacks blast and more.Best about it, I love to eat!
♥a writer,a photographer, a leader,an advocate, a dreamer, a citizen, an optimist,a learner and a writer again.
CHEERS EVERYONE! IM MICHELLE ANN "Cheng" GONZALES.
Welcome to my Signature Thoughts.
